This warm Sunday morning

It’s hard to find the beauty in being married to a man that is married to his country

I wake up each day in a half empty bed with the sheets tangled between my legs

Every Sunday I receive a letter saying, “ill be home soon”

And each time I read it my heart begs for you

I open the curtain to this daunting home that the outsiders call “base”

It’s a lot like baseball some hit a home run and make it home safe

My husband is married to his country a commitment so true

Still I fear the day when the knock on my door is from the soldiers and not you

A risk every time I open the door

My heart races a mile a minute and my teardrops fall to the floor

But today is the day the knock is from you

My husband a man with blonde hair, a chiseled chin and eyes so blue.

A man who cannot not promise his day because his country might call and take him away

But a man who promises to keep me safe, day by day I wait.

We head to the dinner on this warm Sunday morning; we sit and talk over coffee

and cheesecake

You tell me our new plans and how we are moving to a new place.

I pace back and forth letting my mind wander

As I dream of a place with fields of sheer pink and dandelion weeds

I repeat to myself “I love this man each day he makes my heart grow fonder”

I take a step back and realize I’m married to a soldier

A man married to his country a man, with the weight of the world on his shoulders.


The married mans mother

He spoke.

The words fell from his lips, they swayed; the salsa.

They lingered.

His breath smells of whiskey and pickled relish; nauseating

Sweet ginger that’s what he needs

I watched in awe; distracted.

He needs more whiskey to talk about his mother

He spoke of her velvet chocolate eyes

How they slowly faded to gray; the tango

His voice shakes

Her soul lifted and her body covered in dirt.

I wait.

“I miss those chocolate eyes”

I miss her.



Broken China

I grew to love the darkness I once knew as a man
a man that once held my world then crushed it into many pieces,

Crushed as if your mother’s favorite fine china set fell to the floor.

There is no getting up now no taping it back together.
I once knew a man I compared to the ocean


so mysterious and full of life, yet when you reach the bottom it is filled with black dark catastrophes you find hidden beautiful life, a world

You don’t want to come back from.


But now I know darkness.


I have let it indulge me.
it devoured me whole and there is no more man,

No man to tell me I’m safe in his arms,
There is just an ocean.


Still, mysterious, yet not like you
there is no man just me and the ocean

I have let it take me and hold me as if it was you
the ocean has now consumed me and holds all my love.

There is no man


All I have is the ocean.

A letter for you 

A letter to you.

Ever since the day I met you things got a litter better and the sun shined a little more.

I used to write about all the hurt I’ve been through but now all I have to write about is you. There are no stormy days,or crashing ocean waves. The storm has calmed and the waters are blue.

Your structured face,your dreamy eyes,and your forgiving,caring,gentle heart.

The day you entered my life I never knew you could or possibly can become so important to me.

Things have changed now and I see this future with you.

When things happen I immediately think let me tell you.

When things goes wrong I think let me tell him,he can make me feel better.

I’m trying to not make this serious.

I’m trying to catch myself before I fall but you’re oh so irresistible.

Your kiss so crave worthy.

Your mind so pure and intriguing.

Let me in.

Let this be something.

This letter to you

Let it change the way I think

Let it change the way I write.

A letter to you.

Thank you

Thank you for giving my heart a break from breaking.


When love arrives I’ll be waiting

When love arrives I think I’ll give it one more shot One more shot to not break me down but break down all the walls I once built because of him

When love arrives I’ll open the door naked with my scars unhidden that he once left

When love arrives I’ll have Frank Sinatra playing in the background with a bottle of wine on the table ready to talk

When love arrives I’ll give it my all this time

This time I’ll let a man in that deserves my love and all of it

I’ll give this man all my tears,fears,and open ears

When love arrives I’ll give this man all the best parts of me that are untouched

Untouched so he can now touch them and mark them as his own

When this man arrives I’ll open the door and show him the way to my living room not my bedroom because that’s not how love works

I may not know what love looks like but it may be a mysterious man at my window or some guy waiting at my mailbox

If this man were to wonder into my room I wouldn’t have recognized him at first sight

Love may or may not be in a suit and tie but I know for sure he will be wearing something I love and I’m ready to take off when the time comes around

When love arrives I’ll realize I’ve been knocking on all the wrong doors

When love arrives I’ll be waiting with open arms and a door unlocked

And until love arrives I’ll be writing

Writing about all the reasons as to why a man should love me or how the trees make me feel

If love doesn’t come knocking at my door I’ve learned to accept it and write about it

Thankyou love,you give me something to write about


Please,Not again 

Lip stick the color of wine

Teeth as white as snow

She looks into the mirror

Looking back is this person she once was

This figure

Ready to configure
To reveal her heart to a new man

A man who may not be ready for all her hurt

A man that is good who loves God and his family but a man not so ready

She tried giving her heart a break but this man came and took what he can take

He took her body,her heart and her soul

This unbelievable connection

It won’t break

Please don’t break
For one time more she allowed someone to Come in and stay

Stay for a while and relieve the pain
But that’s not what this man does

He has no intentions

He has no emotions

He is just there

Not sure what is Gods purpose with him in her life but she looks back in the mirror and puts on her silk back dress ties back her hair and meet the man

For one more time to try to give herself this chance at love.

If it falls and breaks this time,it’s over. It’s over, there’s no more.


Crash and Burn 

And again I let someone in to get over you

I got beneath someone to deal with the pain

This time it was emotional this emotional, physical connection that may crash and burn

A lot like the accident

A lot like what I’m used to

The crash and the burn

The burns heals

It will then blister and disappear

Disappear like my feelings for you

You do not have to ability to burn me anymore

Our crash and fall is over

I have him

I have him to hold me and care for me

I have me

I have me now

I don’t give myself to someone at this point

I am in control

And thank you

You taught me a lesson

Never will I ever let someone crash and burn me,my heart is too good for that and you were too stupid to realize it.